


What I wouldn't do for you

by Silver85



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Tumblr prompt for OTP, this is heartbreaking and I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 18:18:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3457100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver85/pseuds/Silver85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Based on the angst prompt that crossed my tumblr dash. I apologize in advance)</p>
<p>Vampires don't fear death or blood. If one would admit what it is they fear it would be love and loss. Love has its sacrifices, that's for damn certain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I wouldn't do for you

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Character Death, and mention of character death. 
> 
> I ripped my own damn heart out and in my defense I was drunk and thought writing this was a good idea. 
> 
> Prompt: The Angst Prompts that no one wanted. The one where I sold my soul to bring you back to life after your untimely death and I only have a month left with you so I’m trying to make it count.

“How is she alive?” Laf asked. Carmilla and Lafontaine stood in the hallway while Danny, Perry and Kirsch hovered over Laura in the hospital bed. 

“Don’t question it Laf,” Carmilla threatened. It was apparently the wrong thing to say in this situation. 

“What did you do Karnstein?” Laf grabbed her by the arm but she didn’t flinch. She couldn’t take her eyes off of Laura who was awake and laughing. She couldn’t stop seeing that Laura was alive. 

“Love will have it’s sacrifices,” She whispered. Laura was her everything and she would be damned if she didn’t assure that Laura lived a full life. How she saw her earlier that evening, it destroyed everything of herself and she did what was necessary to save Laura’s soul. 

“Whatever you did, you need to be honest about it! Did you turn her?” Laf twisted around her to block her view of the hospital room. She scoffed at the accusation. Turning Laura wouldn’t have saved her life, it would have damned her. It hadn’t even been an option because she was too late. She couldn’t physically save her because she wasn’t in a position to do it. Laura had been subjected to the fates or whatever sick all powerful being controlled their lives. She saved Laura the only way she knew how. 

“I didn’t turn her. It was too late for that anyway,” Her mask failed and the look on Laf’s face confirmed that they saw it. 

“What did you do?” Laf grabbed her by the shoulders, sadness back in their features. 

“I can’t tell you that,” She stepped back, Laf’s hands falling from her shoulders. 

“Why? Was it something evil?” Laf now blocked the doorway from her. 

She shook her head. In her heart, as dried and used up as she knew it to be, she knew what she had done was the least evil she’d ever committed. Saving Laura; bringing that brightness back into the world was the most important thing she could ever do in her entire existence. 

“I can’t tell you because I can’t trust that you won’t tell Laura. I need her to not know,” Carmilla stared at the door just behind Lafontaine’s head. 

“I can’t trust anything right now because I know science. Laura was dead. She was dead for awhile and if you didn’t turn her, then I can’t understand why she’s alive. You’re telling me not to question it and I have too because of science. Whatever you did, you need to be honest about it. Maybe not right this second but eventually. Honesty is a sacrifice too, and if you love her like I know you do, you’ll sacrifice that as well.” Lafontaine twisted and opened the door to Laura’s hospital room. “Hey frosh!” 

Carmilla stood in the doorway hearing Laura’s laughter and her heartbeat over the monitor. It was the two sounds that Carmilla cherished the most and she resolved that she would drown in those two sounds while she could. 

*********

Laura was released from the hospital after twenty four hour observation. They had no reason to hold her as she was in perfect health. Laura couldn’t remember what had happened and why she was in the hospital and everyone turned to Carmilla for those answers. Laura had been on the way to meet Carmilla for dinner, their usual date night ritual that Laura had insisted on them partaking in. She was listening to the streets hum with life, waiting for Laura to join her when she’d heard an accident happen a few streets over. She hadn’t thought anything of it since Laura was walking but when Laura hadn’t showed up on time for their date her paranoia gripped her by the heart. She had been right to be terrified and because she had sat in the fucking booth she’d been too late to do anything. At least, anything other than what she’d done. At their questioning she had kept silent, just shaking her head that she didn’t know either. 

“I feel so alive and I don’t know why?” Laura twisted in her computer chair and turned to her. 

“Life is funny that way, cupcake,” She smiled at her leaning back on her hands. Normally she’d be nose deep in a book but she knew she’d only have so long to look upon Laura and the brightness of her soul and she wasn’t going to waste it. Besides, she’d read enough books in her lifetime.

“We should do something!” Laura leaned forward, hands tucked underneath bouncing legs. 

“I fully agree with that statement. What would you like to do?” Carmilla asked, not hard to smile at the energy radiating from her tiny girlfriend. It was easy to forget, just for a moment.

“I don’t know but something. Like jumping off bridges and climbing volcanoes. Let’s see places and do things and get away for awhile, just you and me,” Laura suggested. 

“I like the sound of that cutie,” She smiled back and braced herself as Laura launched from her chair and into her. They collapsed back into her bed, limbs tangling together with laughs. Lips were on hers and she felt the warmth of Laura’s skin against her, the thud of her heart against her own chest. They kissed for long minutes until Laura tucked herself into Carmilla’s side. Just as Laura’s breath was evening out she spoke, plan firm in her mind, “Let’s do it. I’ll take you anywhere in the world you want to go. We’ll see everything and do everything.”

Laura lifted her head up from Carmilla’s chest, eyes awake at the suggestion, “Seriously?”

“We have a month before certain obligations and I have a savings account we can put a dent in. We can leave as soon as tomorrow afternoon, just after I take care of something,” She reached to push some hair behind Laura’s ear, trailing her fingers down her jaw. 

“You're serious?” Laura’s hands stilled over her chest, fingers gripping into the fabric of Carmilla’s lacy shirt. 

“Serious of getting to spend quality uninterrupted time with you? Of course I am,” Carmilla tilted forward and kissed her lips softly, Laura’s breath catching against her lips. 

“I would love to run away with you. Are you sure though? Can we?” Laura kept close to her lips, hand having traveled into dark curling locks. 

“We can do anything I’ve set my mind to. And I want to see you in a bikini jumping off bridges, your smile after we’ve climbed some crazy mountain. I want to see you with Paris lights dancing in your hair,” She whispered into Laura’s mouth. 

“Sounds magical,” Laura whispered back. 

“I’m all about magic. Shall we?” She asked. Laura nodded her answer, capturing her lips again. This time, when Laura started to doze off into her side, she didn’t wake her. 

**********

She’d been up before dawn which was completely not in her nature but it was important that she take care of something before she disappeared with Laura wherever in the world she wanted to go. That required her waking before the sun and forcing herself to leave Laura’s warm embrace. This was important or she wouldn’t have. It was a couple of hours before noon when she returned to room 307. It was impossible to keep her laugh at bay at what she walked in on. Laura was trying really hard to close her suitcase but the zipper just wasn’t cooperating. 

She stepped forward and applied the necessary strength that Laura lacked to get her suitcase closed. “Where did you run off too?” Laura swept some hair out of her face with a huff at finally closing her bag. 

“I had an errand to run and plane tickets to acquire,” She lifted the suitcase and put it wheels down on the floor. 

“So where is our first stop?” Laura asked as she packed some smaller items into her backpack. 

“I was thinking Paris first and then work our way to where you want to go next,” She pulled out two plane tickets out of her back pocket and waving them slightly. 

“Going big first huh?” Laura smiled and bounced forward to kiss her on the cheek. 

“It’s a start,” She pocketed the tickets and opened the wardrobe to pull out her duffel. She fully planned to have them back by the end of the month but she made sure to pull a few things from her duffel bag to hide in the bottom of the wardrobe. Normally, she’d never risk to part with the items but she didn’t want to risk it being lost with her duffel if she didn’t make it back. A velvet box with her birth mother's wedding ring and the journal she’d kept before the coffin and after, were the only physical items she’d kept over her years and she never wanted to risk them getting lost. 

“I’m really excited Carm!” Laura’s glee was contagious and she turned back from her duffel to smile. “I’m all packed.” 

“Is that so cupcake?” She noticed the camera and laptop still on Laura’s desk. “You’ve forgotten to pack your electronics.”

“Oh,” Laura turned to look at the items on her desk and shrugged, “I was planning on focusing on you completely during our adventures.” 

She pulled her duffel closed and tossed it next to Laura’s suitcase, “As much as I enjoy the thought of having your undivided attention. You do love posterity. Bring them along and we’ll take photos and document us doing couple things,” She tried to smile honestly, trying not to have an ulterior motive in encouraging Laura’s recording habits. 

“Really?” Laura looked at her with suspicion, “You hate me recording everything.” 

“It’s the trip of all trips and you’re going to wish you had documentation,” She shrugged acting indifferent but Laura consented and immediately packed her camera. 

*************

Every couple of days they moved to a new location. They ate the food the locals recommended, avoiding tourist hot spots so they could truly experience the cities. She had been to a few of the places and already knew where to take Laura but even she was getting to see some of the world she hadn’t gotten to. 

The energy Laura radiated was contagious and she found herself swinging from rope to jump into lakes with Laura and exploring places off the beaten path. They ate questionable food and walked at all hours of the day, hand in hand. She forgo sleep to watch Laura rest. She didn’t want to miss anything while she had the chance. 

“Carm? Why aren’t you sleeping?” Laura’s breath was against her chest, fingers tapping at her collarbone. 

“Reality is far better than dreams could be right now,” She whispered, fingers weaving through long locks at Laura’s back.   
“Is everything ok?” Laura lifted her head from Carmilla’s chest, fingers now tracing against Carmilla’s neck. Laf’s words from the hospital were ringing in her ears. Honesty was a sacrifice and she would sacrifice anything for the human in her arms. 

She shifted, lifting her hips till she could shift and was hovering over Laura. Laura’s breath caught in her throat in surprise. “Carm?” She cut Laura off, kissing her while one of her hands caught Laura behind her neck, keeping her close. She wanted to burn in their love, drown in Laura. This kiss was different than the others, desperate and demanding. She’d been so gentle with Laura, imagining a life time to do it right and to love her properly. She didn’t have a lifetime anymore. Just these moments and she knew she couldn’t waste them, that she shouldn’t. 

Laura breathed into her, hands pulling at her just as desperate. Laura lifted at her shirt before she could move to remove Laura’s. It made her movements twitch but she didn’t suspect Laura noticed because hips jerked up into her own. Laura wanted this just as much as she did and she wasn’t going to taint that. She leaned back, allowing Laura to remove her shirt barely noticing where Laura tossed it into the room. Hands fell to her hips, nails digging into her skin and she stopped breathing. It was burning; a holiness against her sin. She knew she was going to burn with Laura’s brightness and she was happy to walk into the flame. 

Clothes quickly fell way and it wasn’t until Laura was panting beneath her, sweat coating them both, that she breathed out some truth. “You are my light. A star brighter than the moon, guiding me home.” Laura came apart in her hands, melted by their warmth and she followed quickly after. 

“I love you Carm,” Laura rested their foreheads together, hair sticking to them. 

“I love you Laura. More than you could know,” She whispered the honesty and for the first time she allowed the tears to reach the corner of her eyes. They fought to catch their breaths, Laura hands gripped at her back and her own wrapped around Laura’s waist. They fell asleep with tangled limbs and deliberate kisses. 

*********

Once Laura realized she was serious about participating in the photos and videos, Laura was more adamant in putting them in situations that could be filmed. She trusted strangers to take photos of them and paid for videos of them doing tourist activities. For the last two weeks it felt like everything they did was documented and Carmilla was more than okay with that. Those videos would always be there for Laura so she made sure she was caught up in the moments, not giving herself a chance to be sad or focused on a nearing future. 

The last video Laura made was of their last night on vacation. Tomorrow as ebbing closer and Laura seemed to sense the significance of it. They sat on the balcony of their hotel room and Laura had positioned the camera to capture them both. They had laid out a blanket from the bed, pillows as well where they were cuddled together. Laura had their hands intertwined and laughed each time Carmilla pointed out a constellation, effectively pulling at both their arms in the effort. 

“Why do you love the stars so much?” Laura asked.

“Because their constant. I stared at these stars when I was human. I saw the same stars after I was murdered and tonight they're still there. The world is constantly changing, evolving and wasting away but those balls of gas in the sky are always there. Even after they’ve died out, we still see them. To know that their light continues to burn, even after they’ve died, it’s comforting to know. We try so hard to make a mark on the world and these stars have no trouble doing that and often they go unnoticed,” She smiled, picking out her favorite constellation and tracing it with Laura’s fingers in her own. 

“How often do you stare at the stars?” Laura asked, pulling knuckles to her lips to plant feather kisses.

“Every night. Something about seeing them, always constant, keeps me grounded. I know where I am,” Being honest sometimes wasn’t so hard. “I feel like I’ve become part of them. Staring at them so much, it’s like part of me has become absorbed by their patterns. They see me just as easily as I see them. We are both constant, still shining even after we’ve burned out.”

“It sometime scares me when you talk like that. Like I’ve lost you,” Laura turned to face her, untangling one of their hands and touching, light, at Carmilla’s collar bone. “Such a philosophy major.” Laura smiled, trying to ease the heaviness that washed over them. She went along with it, not wanting to taint anymore than she has. 

“Stars are constant. Just remember that,” She smiled before capturing Laura’s lips in a kiss that made her feel more grounded than staring at stars ever had. 

*********

The trip passed quicker than she thought it would. Time, for her life, had been so slow. Twice as slow when she was drowning in a coffin of blood. Now it sped by, quick as passing trains and sunsets. If felt as though she had blinked and they were back on campus and unpacked from their trip. Laura was downloading their photos onto her laptop, camera running as it always was. 

“Is everything okay? You’ve been so quiet since the plane ride back?” Laura turned in her chair to stare at her. 

She was hiding behind a book, afraid she might not conceal the concern on her face. She thought she could face this bravely, but her limbs twitched with fear of the known. “I’m just tired cupcake. We went pretty hard for the whole trip.”

“Why don’t you get some sleep? I was going to go hang out with Laf and Perry for dinner anyway. I have so much to catch them up on from the trip,” Laura stood from her chair and went to grab her jacket. Carmilla tossed her book onto the bed and stood quickly. She wasn’t going to stop Laura from leaving, it was probably for the best. Laura didn’t need to witness what was going to happen. She didn’t need Laura pleading for her life just as she had done for Laura a month ago. She pulled Laura into her arms, kissing her. If her heart would beat, it would be pounding. She savored the taste of Laura’s lip, the sound of her beating heart and the scent of her shampoo. She leaned her forehead against Laura’s not able to stop her smile and reached up to caress Laura’s cheek. “Is everything ok?” Laura’s voice wavered against her lips.

“I love you,” She whispered feeling Laura’s lips curve into a smile against her own.

“I love you too.” Everything inside her soared with Laura’s words. She could fly into the heavens and be one with the burning.

“You’ll be late for dinner if you don’t go,” It took everything for her voice to not break. 

“We’ll talk about this later then,” Laura pulled back, sliding her jacket on. 

“Sure thing cupcake,” She tried to keep her smile as Laura walked to the door before looking back at her. Her smile fell just a little. 

“Will you be okay?” Laura’s concern was heavy on her face. 

“Have fun with Laf and Perry,” She forced the smile back and immediately knew Laura didn’t buy it. She also knew Laura wouldn’t push it, trusting Carmilla would tell her in time. Little did she know. “I love you.” Those three words brought the smile back to Laura’s lips, cheeks red and hair falling down into Laura’s eyes. That’s the image she wanted to keep burned into her mind. 

“I love you too. I’ll see you when I get back,” Laura smiled, lingering in the doorway for just a moment more before pulling the door shut behind her. If she had to breathe, she’d be struggling to catch it. She turned to Laura’s computer, not sure how much time she had and sat down in front of the camera. The light was on, and what she understood meant that it was recording. She clicked on the screen till she saw herself and knew for sure. She ran a hand through her hair and looked into the camera.

“Cupcake...Laura. Lafontaine told me to be honest and I haven’t been. I couldn’t because I knew you would try to change it and this is something that can’t be changed. Last month when you woke up in the hospital, its because something happened. When you were on your way to our date, there was an accident. A car was hit and it flipped onto the sidewalk where you were. I heard the accident happen and when you were late for dinner I went to look for you.” She paused seeing Laura trapped underneath the car and all the blood. A vampire shouldn’t be afraid of so much blood but she was because with that much blood it meant Laura was dead. 

“Your life wasn’t suppose to end like that. If you hadn’t been coming to meet me for dinner, you wouldn’t have died. It was too late when I found you and I couldn’t save you,” She couldn’t stop her lip from quivering. It was taking everything to not cry during her confession. “I knew of a way to save you, a deal I could make. You deserve a long and healthy life. To see the world and make your mark on it. The deal I made...I didn’t expect them to give me a month. I thought it would be instant, my life for yours but they gifted me so much more. I couldn’t turn that down. To get you for month was far worth more than my three hundred years.” 

She looked down at her hands, just now feeling how cold the room had become. The reaper was knocking and she didn’t have much time left, “I love you Laura and I hope you find love again. Lafontaine and Perry are good people so keep them close. In three days, someone will come to visit you. They are the executor of my estate. Please accept what I have left to give. I hope you can forgive me but this world was meant for you, not for a centuries old vampire. I have lived and you hadn’t and I couldn’t bear to live in this world without you. That was always certain. You need to understand that one day, which is why I’m recording this. Please forgive me.” 

The coldness seeped deeper into her bones, rattling in her chest. She scooted back in the chair, stumbling to her feet. She felt pain, tearing with the cold that was ripping through her. It surprised her. She always imagined it burn like fire but she should have known death would be cold. She didn’t have time to shut the camera off, to spare the sight of what was happening. The pain tore through her and she focused on Laura’s laugh and the way her fingers danced across her skin. She felt the edges of her crumbling but all she could see, hear, and feel was Laura wrapped around her until there was nothing left of her. 

Ash to ash. Dust to Dust. Love will have its sacrifices.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr: Wigster07. You can scream at me for writing this. I deserve the screaming.


End file.
